Well, ultimately they shouldn’t. Hopefully, with the network they’re involved in and the knowledge that the people have that surround the athlete and the team that surrounds the athlete, is enough to do that.

And if that isn’t in place and all the avenues have been explored, then I think the personal training is absolutely one way to go. The athlete should be surrounded by people who can advise, motivate, and educate to develop what is needed to become the best they can be.

But, I certainly think by the age of thirteen, fourteen with the onset of puberty and growth spurts, there’s an opportunity for athletes to reach their potential that often gets missed. Or, sometimes they begin conditioning at eighteen when they leave school and go to university, and very often that’s too late.

What is the role of the sports parent in facilitating their child’s athletic development?

I’ve been fortunate in my coaching career. At school, I was a teacher. I’ve coached academy level. I’ve coached at the elite level. I’ve coached international level, but I’m also coaching as an assistant at West Park Leagues under nine rugby team, because my son plays there. So, I feel I’ve got a real spread of knowledge to empower others with.

It was only in the last year that it truly dawned on me the influence the role of parent can have on young athlete development. And, it’s not to do with international coaching. It’s what I’m doing with my son and daughter as they play their respective sports.

I think the influence parents have on their child’s development is massive, to be honest. I think parents can help kids in so many ways that a lot of parents probably are afraid to even attempt. But it’s nothing more than sometimes just playing games with them, as a parent; playing board games, getting involved and interested in their sport and making sure when you ask the questions to your son or daughter you’re asking the right questions.

It’s not about winning. It’s not about going to the top of the league. It’s about having fun and enjoyment and asking them to self-reference their own faults.

So, when they take part in a game, for example, a lot of them say, “Did you win?” Or, “Did you score?” And, “How do you rate your game today on a scale of one to ten?” And they may come out and say, “Pretty good; a seven.” “Oh, well how can we make it an eight next time?” “I think if I work on my tackling a little bit more, then I think I’ll be able to get it to an eight next time.” “OK, well, should we try that in the garden before next training session?” “Yeah.” “Good, OK, let’s go.”

It’s just little things like that where you don’t necessarily need to be a technical, or tactical expert in order to get the best out of yourself. What would help is when the coach is talking you listen. You know I often would bring the players parents together and I’d say, “I’ve got some homework this evening…” Moms and Dads come around. “I want to lay out the homework for next week.

The homework is we’re working on six o’clock pass.”

So I would welcome this, and all parents came around and were absolutely interested in what I was saying because they’re desperate to learn. I would give a presentation to the parents of all the aspects of the game to try and help them to learn some more about the game; some more about how to be a more effective sporting parent.

I’m not trying to tell them how to be good parents, you see. They know what they’re doing in that regard…

Would you take that kind of approach with all age groups?

Certainly from the ages of four or five, and when they first start getting involved in games and activity, right away through to mid-teens-sixteen, seventeen, eighteen-the parent is the single most important role model in the child’s development.

As they reach sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, the coach has a bigger role to play. You’re there as a supporter as a parent, but your role in influencing between the ages of six and sixteen is important.

Is there a particular framework for athletic development that sports parents can adopt so a child with talent reaches their full potential?

And if so can you expand on this framework?

I’ll give you an example of an exercise I did with a group of parents. The exercise was, “What wins?” I’d ask the parents to make a list of all the things that they felt made an elite athlete. So the parents for this workshop came up with probably twenty different things to list.

Some said, “Commitment.” Some said “Technical abilities,” some said, “Work ethic.” I then asked them to reduce the twenty to a maximum of five and as a group they did that. Then I said, “Imagine that you got 100% and you have to portion a percentage to each of those five. So, if one of their five was technical and tactical ability, and they felt that was the most important, they might give that 80%; that only leaves them 20% for the remaining four categories.

And interestingly, I’ve done this a few times with coaches and parents, and every time the highest score has always been attitude. So, the first thing we start with is attitude and what you need to be able to do is make sure your son or daughter has the correct attitude for the sport. And, a competitive toughness and a competitive mindset for when the going gets tough-which invariably it will-they will not give up at the first hurdle. They will all fight and fight and work themselves up.

And, there are lots of different ways the parents can do that. Building a strong self-identity in the child is really important so the child has strong self- worth. They’ve been positively reinforced as a child and they’ve got good values as they grow. And they’ve got strong work ethic.

I really believe that it’s not always the most talented at the top, invariably.

Some of the most talented players coached at fifteen, sixteen, seventeen never make it to the top because they haven’t got the work ethic. Whereas the ones who have got the work ethic, even if they’re not so talented, often that takes them all the way.

So, for the parents to instill that work ethic and make sure their child will work hard, even when the tough times come along. It’s important for parents to not help the kids out all the time. I often see parents who take the easy option for their son or daughter and that ultimately will hurt their child’s development in the long run.

And exhibiting good self-control is a really important factor, within that framework-the attitude framework. Often you see things go against us, or say not getting selected for a side, or, you give a penalty away at a game. With discipline, and for the child to have self-control of their actions, is an important part of building the attitude framework.

Remaining positive and painting the glass half full is what I would describe it as. So, wherever there’s a problem you immediately go from, “What’s the problem?” to “What’s the solution.” And we encourage the parents to encourage the child to think, “OK, well, this doesn’t look that well… but how can we find the solution to this problem?” And with that, I’ve seen it lots of times; you’re trying to develop your athlete/child to become a fighter, not a victim.

Parents very often can train their child as the victim. And as a consequence, the child plays the victim “ the coach hasn’t picked me.” Or, there must be a reason why the coach hasn’t picked you. Let’s go and ask the coach,” or “Why don’t you ask the coach about what to do to get on the team.” Probably the most important barrier parents need to overcome is to get kids to take responsibilities for their own actions. Try to get their child to think about their own behaviors, and influence them to take responsibility.

And finally, probably the most important thing is never ever give up. It sounds like a little thing, but actually it’s a really important thing because the tough way to a lead player is never in a straight line like that. It actually goes like this all the time. And a lot of players often will do this, and drift down whereas eventually they’ll go through the rough times, but they’ll rise through in a positive way.

There’s a technical and tactical side, and then you’ve got the physical side as well. So essentially, it’s attitude, technical and tactical, and physical. A whole mix of technical, tactical, physical facility depends on the athlete and the sport they’re playing. But, the attitude is the most important.

Ruckingball would like to thank sportswisdom.com for permission to publish this interview